MAKE IT MAKE SENSE

My brain is my worst enemy. I think, learn, and comprehend visually, yet, our systems and institutions have not always seen the value in these diversities. As a child, I feel as though I was conditioned to believe that proficiency in reading, writing, and mathematics equated to being “smart” and would eventually lead to success in my career. Hence, in contrast, I saw struggling with these things as a marker of being “dumb or stupid,” and achieving success was much less likely. Although those words may seem a bit childish, they held, and still hold, an immense amount of weight on how I view myself. Being dyslexic and having ADHD made it difficult for me to engage and comprehend certain forms of academic content, specifically reading. In the past, our society had reading and writing to be the sole method to convey messages and information. While that works for some individuals, it is not inclusive to those of us whose brains physically do not function in these ways. 

I was ashamed of my ability to perform in school, and even more, I was frustrated with myself because I felt inadequate at functioning on a level similar to my peers. I hated that I would get pulled out of class in middle school to go to a classroom that was moving “more at my pace” and felt embarrassed when other students asked why I got extra time on tests. I felt as though I had no talents and that I would never be able to achieve success in the ways I always envisioned for myself. 

However, where I may have struggled with standard schooling practices, I excelled in creativity and storytelling. My main outlet for this was photography and design, where ideas would flow much more naturally. Yet, I still never saw this as a way that could lead to a successful and fulfilling career, it was merely a hobby that I could enjoy in my free time. It wasn’t until during the pandemic that my mindset and attitude towards this began to shift. Much like everyone else during time I binge-watched everything at my disposal, one being the Netflix show “Abstract” which takes a deep dive into the minds of innovative artists within a variety of disciplines. The concept that struck me the most was how many of the artists struggled with normalized systems but found success when they used their “disadvantages” to their advantage, creating beautiful compelling pieces of work. From product design to photography to typeface, these artists capitalized off of their creativity not only making careers out of it but also impacting our greater society through their work. 

Viewing these artists' minds marked a point in my life where I began to question the rudiments of my mindset toward my brain's functionality. I then took a class on gender and disability during my final semester of college, where I did research on learning disabilities and gained a deeper comprehension of how disabilities are socially constructed, with less of a problem being with the individual and more with the architecture of our society. Our schools were not, and still are not, designed to embrace all types of minds. In fact, when you can’t academically perform in a certain way deemed acceptable by our institutions, you’re almost punished through segregated classrooms and low grades that do not reflect the effort you put in. So it is no wonder that we grow up thinking that art and creativity can be nothing more than a hobby.

Although I used to think that my “learning disabilities” were a hindrance to my academic and work performances, I have learned to view them as my competitive advantage. My mind excels when it comes to creativity and expression, and I’ve learned to think more abstractly when it comes to conceptualizing. Through my photography and creative direction, I’ve demonstrated this while at the same time learning how to manage and collaborate with talent and creatives. I’ve slowly begun to be proud of my mind and unlearn the insecurities and negative attitudes I have conditioned myself to hold. My brain may be my worst enemy, but it is also my greatest advantage.